Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I'm just crazy horny about you
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
