Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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