this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Randomize
