Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
is that a dick in a sweater?
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
