Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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