another moral hangover. fuck.
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
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