this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity�
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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