dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
