Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
