Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Randomize
