I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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