I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
