Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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