Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
He has the fingertips of a God
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