You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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