No awkward lesbian experiences without me
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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