Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
