Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
