Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
