It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
