Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
