Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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