Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
