margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
