What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
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