i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
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