He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
