Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Randomize
