Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
