I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
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