Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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