my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Randomize
