Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
