Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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