You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
You took a bar mat shot.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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