I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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