So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
