Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Randomize
