There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
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