Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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