Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
