I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
