ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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