i need an iv and a liver transplant
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
