It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
