Betty ford says i'm here all night
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Randomize
