sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
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