Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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