Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
two words...techno handjob
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
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