I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
