just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
