I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
i need an iv and a liver transplant
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
